This One Time I Bit A Vampire - CPD

Rule one of running a supernatural inn: never, EVER bite the guests.

The Crossroads Inn has stood at its crossroads for nearly three hundred years, taking in every vampire, werewolf and banshee nobody else will have. All welcome. It says so on the sign. When the sign works.

What the sign doesn’t mention: the rating’s at 4.1 and falling, the bank is circling, the boiler has opinions, and the only thing standing between the inn and a car park is Jo, the smile she inherited from her Gran, and the five-star review she’d do almost anything to get.

Then a long black car comes up the drive.

He checks in as "Vlad Nightingale," which fools nobody. He’s pale, immaculate, unspeakably rude, and he reviews everything: the drive, the wardrobe, the moths. He’s also, it turns out, the most feared vampire in Europe travelling incognito, and the one guest whose opinion could save the inn.

So naturally, Jo bites him.

It’s a long story. There was an argument. There was a hearthrug. And in vampire law there are FORMS, because one enthusiastic love bite later, Jo is accidentally married to a living legend, technically outranks the entire vampire aristocracy, and has seven of them on her lawn by breakfast. Bowing.

Now she has ninety days to save her Gran’s inn, un-marry a vampire who kisses like he’s been rationed for centuries, and see off a rival hotelier with a car park where his heart should be. All without asking anyone for help. She’d rather die. Ambrose says that can be arranged.

This One Time I Bit A Vampire is a spicy paranormal romantic comedy for readers who love grumpy-sunshine monster romance, accidental marriage, found family (a poison-pen house-brownie, a banshee with a towel policy, a boiler named Cyril), British humour, and open-door heat with actual jokes in it.

Book One of The Things I’ve Done For Five Stars. Fair warning from the management: this one ends happily, but not tidily. The door stays open, and Book Two is coming.