Later Dork - Dawn Marifield

Later Dork

For My Oldest, Dearest Friend We Shall Call Simply Walker

An experiment in channel writing through grief.

Expressing a lifetime cannot be done in a tidy summery. A clean and dry eulogy performed for an audience who may or may not have known them as you. Sometimes your mind needs a break from reality, spending a moment to explore the ’what if’s, can help you navigate through the stages in your own way not dictated by the timelines of others. You won’t lose yourself in fantasy simply placing pen to paper; however, you can begin to see the ’why’ doesn’t change it, and eventually acceptance your only option.

Knowing a reason or direction to place blame doesn’t alter the fact they are no longer here. The fact you cannot find words to express what that person meant for you as part of this world. It also cannot fix what should have been better the first time around.

What writing out your pain can do, whether as an exploration of fantasy or biography of your loved one, is create a moment of stillness for you. To express your truth, the anger, or for a moment, to fix something that should have or maybe shouldn’t have been changed. Offering a place where the world stops and is paced around you. A fraction of the moment you had them...but a moment you shouldn’t let pass nonetheless.

Say whatever you wish to say on these pages. They’re yours. Talk to your loved one. Say anything you never got the chance or tell them how you feel in that moment. Turn them into a mythical creature. Tell the real story if you wish. They hear you, they love you, and you don’t have to do this alone.

For my story, I sat down, I cried, and I raised my face towards the ceiling asking aloud, "help me get this out." For a moment...I felt his presence once again.

In my mind, as long as I had this book open on the computer we were writing an unbelievable story together. We laughed, we cried, and this story I purposely left unfinished. I may have had to accept the ’goodbye’ when I wrote this, but one day...we’ll see each other again. Until then, Later Dork!