You already know what you want to say. That is not the difficulty. The difficulty is that at the moment of saying it, the sentence comes out with four qualifications on the end - or does not come out at all - or arrives at eleven at night in a form you regret by morning. This is a book of sentences. About ninety of them, for the moments where you know what needs saying and cannot find the words. WHAT THEY ARE NOT FOR They will not make anybody want you. Nothing will, and every book that promises it is selling a lever that is not connected to anything. They are also not scripts for seeming casual. There is a whole industry devoted to appearing less interested than you are. It works about as well as you would expect, and it is exhausting. WHAT THEY ARE FOR Saying the true thing plainly. Finding out where you stand. Naming something once, without a case attached. And leaving well. THE FOUR RULES Every sentence in this book follows them, and they do most of the work on their own. 1. NO PREAMBLE. Any sentence beginning "I know this is probably silly" has already told him how to treat what follows. 2. NO EXITS. "No pressure." "Whenever." "Or not." "Ignore me." An exclamation mark. A laughing emoji on a serious sentence. Most first drafts contain three or four - delete all of them. 3. ONE THING. Never a list. Three dated examples turns the conversation into a dispute about whether your examples are fair. 4. DAYLIGHT. Before noon, on an ordinary day, when nothing has just happened. A SAMPLE "I like this and I would like to know what we are doing. I am not asking you to define anything today - I would rather know where you are than guess." "I have noticed that we make plans and they tend to get moved. I do not think you mean anything by it. But I notice it, and I would rather say so than get quiet about it." "Maybe. I would still like an answer." "I have really liked this. It is not what I am looking for. I would rather stop now than keep going and get resentful." ALSO INSIDE The four minutes of preparation that determine how most of these go. What to say when he says nothing at all. The reply to a breadcrumb - one line, no confrontation, resolves in a single exchange what otherwise runs for a year. Money. Children and cities, asked at week six instead of month twenty. Apologies, given and received badly. Boundaries, and why the wording is never the reason they fail. What to say to your friends to get an honest read instead of agreement. And what to say when YOU are the one who went quiet. Plus a calendar of the first three months - which four sentences, and when - and six conversations written out in full. Three go well. Three do not. In two of those three, the problem is the person asking. WHAT IT WILL NOT DO Keep anybody. What it does is let you say the thing in one sentence, know where you stand within a week rather than within a year, and leave - when leaving is right - in three sentences and without a case.
